Never would I have thought that I’d sit down in my study/spare room/toy room to write about a little creative project, turn business venture that I’ve been working on over the past few months. I can barely type a full sentence as my acrylic nails are too darn long, however my ripped and torn nails were not fit for a photography session I had today…. so acrylics it was!
Before I launch into that, I want to touch base on something. If you’re a regular here, you’d know that well being is something I assess and monitor regularly in my life. If something isn’t right I look at how it can be changed, or what can be done to fix it. In saying that, this past month… not the case.
I really struggled.
I took a turn and things got pretty dark there for awhile. It was scary, there were LOTS of tears, lots of really bad parenting moments and so much fear for the life I was ALLOWING unravel in front of me. There was no self love, my morning walks had stopped, I was vacant and certainly had no intentions for each day. Or if I did, they were never met! The only thing that kept me going was a bit of gratitude reflection here and there – most certainly not every day.
I was exhausted. From being a single parent, to going to work whenever Zoe went to her Dad, to monitoring the ingoings and outgoings and to everything else in between. I was running myself into the ground. I kept thinking back to the last post I wrote and thought what utter bullshit – I am doing the opposite of everything I said I valued. I felt I had let myself down. Yet again. That whole thing of you can begin again anytime you want, was quite frankly getting old. I had no trust in it anymore. Or myself.
It wasn’t until one day I got a text from a close friend asking if there was anything I wanted to talk with her about.
It caught me a bit off guard! I didn’t realise how bad I was at hiding it. But boy oh boy, did I have stuff to share.
Just thinking through what I’d want to speak to her about pulled me out of my fog and into that moment. I remember it so well. Zoe had gone down. I was sitting on a cane chair in my bedroom, vacantly scrolling through something on the mac.
In that moment, something clicked and I was bought back into the reality of everything I lived for… but was ultimately not living.
The potential of being proactive in that present moment.
Within a few days, I had reached out and made appointments with a counsellor. I’d dropped a shift at work and I was slowly starting to see and feel that peaceful place that I knew existed in this world of mine. I’ve got a lot more work to do, but with the help of some key people, no drugs*, just the natural highs from being in nature, and a shift in mindset, I know that this next 12 months is going to be life changing.
Who knows what actually happened there. Wether or not I massively underestimated the 12 month milestone and how it would affect me. Ending a certain way of life and the realities of my new one.
Or wether it was simply a few weeks of not checking in with myself, letting things build up. Or allowing myself to be treated like rubbish in the dating world, or endless nights of broken sleep from a child that decided she wanted to start sleeping like a newborn again…who knows. Whatever it was I’m so grateful that it all happened.
It has reminded me that no one has to do this alone! No one.
Well that was a bit raw, so lets end on some exciting news!
As you may’ve seen snippets over the last week or so, Grateful Now is nearly here!!
This little business (of which I feel I need to put the word little in every time) was born from my own gratitude practice. I often had people I was so grateful for, and I guess I just wanted them to know how much I appreciated them. So I started making cards and would post them in the mail for friends and family to receive. I knew how much joy it brought me, so I wanted to share it. I wanted to make this SUPER easy for other people to do too. This is how it all started. I starting creating kits. Kits presented in beautiful boxes that included the cards, the envelopes, the envelope seals, the postage stamps, beautiful quotes, and even a little cheat card of ways you can make sure you stay grateful and accountable. It has been so much fun creating beautiful card designs… not so fun trying to figure out how to create a website mind you! All in all, we are neeeearly there. I had such a fun morning with my photographer today, seeing all that I’ve been visualising and working towards for so long, finally coming into life. I’ve ordered other special bits and pieces that will be for sale on the website too, however that part is a surprise!
I post on Instagram way more than I blog so head on over to my IG accounts to stay tuned!
I’ll leave you with this beautiful quote my mum shared with me many years ago…
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you even when you have forgotten the words. – Dave Barry
*I just want to point out I have nothing against medication, or anyone that may be on it. It’s just not for me. 🙂